This post may be a little… weird and awkward, and you may learn more information about me than you’ll ever want to know. It also may be slightly NSFW, and its slightly opinionated, so feel free to disagree with anything, but I feel like a post like this is necessary.
We’re humans, we have needs; one of them being releasing sexual tension through orgasm. Its up to you whether you release it with someone or solo. But can sex or masturbation interfere with the meditation path? Based on my experiences, I can say yes and no.
Why do I say yes? This might fall a bit too much in the “Too Much Information” category, but here we go. I say yes because after I ejaculate, I have little or no desire to meditate for the rest of the day. So how did I try to fix this problem? I meditated before I masturbated! Yeah… That didn’t work at all. The knowledge that I would masturbate after I meditated was a distraction, and no matter how hard I would try to refocus on my breath, erotic thoughts would creep in. More on how I figured out how to bypass that problem will be in a future post.
Now why do I say no? Meditation and sex can be used together to create an amazing experience. There are whole practices of tantra yoga devoted to sex. I haven’t really got involved with those, mainly because most techniques online involve a female partner (and as a single gay guy, that’s a problem). I also say no because there are meditation techniques out there that can give you a mental orgasm-that is, an orgasm with no physical stimulation. But that’s for another post. In my opinion, these practices can be positive, as it makes you more aware of your body, and if you’re practicing tantra, your partner’s body; plus mental orgasms can temporarily get rid of the desire of orgasm, and allow you to continue meditating with less erotic thoughts.
Some people out there might be thinking right now “But doesn’t sex create desire, which you are supposed to eliminate through meditation?” I thought the same thing when I started meditating. I thought that in order to travel along the meditation path, one had to practice abstinence; which I actually tried to practice, but failed miserably.
I then read an article by a Buddhist on the topic of meditation and sex. I can’t find it anymore (I wish I could so I could give credit), but I do remember the important part. Buddhists believe that desire causes suffering, and to be liberated from suffering, one must eliminate desire; or at least make it so your desires don’t control you. The desire for orgasm is there, and will always remain there. You can have one million orgasms, but you desire a million and first. Perhaps abstaining from sex can help get rid of this desire? No, it can’t. If you do abstain from sex, you desire sex even more; ignoring it won’t make it go away. The only way to rid the desire of orgasm is to have one.
If you follow Buddhism at all, you are probably aware of the the “Middle Way” or “Middle Path,” which is moderation of both extremes of self-indulgence (e.g. having sex all the time) and self-mortification (e.g. having no sex). Having sex all the time will distract you from meditation, as you’ll be too drained to practice it. However, not having sex at all will also distract you as your mind will make erotic thoughts while meditating. That, and you’ll probably be grumpy all the time. So here’s my advice: if you want to have sex, then have sex; holding it back will only make you miserable. Obviously, be safe with it, don’t do anything you’ll regret, and don’t forget to meditate 😉
Soon, a future post will appear that will handle the problem of wanting to orgasm and meditate at the same time. That post will be the mental orgasm technique, whose link will appear here when its written.